Congratulations, Kiin, on being able to talk so openly about all of those things - I know it can be a hard lesson to learn, but with the right partner who makes it easier for you it is a very enjoyable experience as well.
Concerning your question: I would not prefer the "DADT policy" either, because you need to be told about certain things and you need to be allowed to ask. But in my opinion you also don't need to know everything
and should respect that there're private issues in your partner's relationship to someone else. For me this has something to do with trust. I trust my partners that they tell me about anything important that happens to their lives, so if one of them has a friend who happens to be a girl (and both of my boyfriends do have such friends and many of them I never met) I won't ask them what exactly is going on between them, because I trust them to tell me if it was anything serious, like having fallen in love, that affects me as well (and of course the same goes for me). On the other hand I know that I actually could
always ask them and they'd tell me the truth. But as long as I am not bothered about their friends somehow or fear that they're hiding something from me (in other words: feel jealous) I see no reason to ask, 'cause I find that this is their business as long as it doesn't affect me (and jealousy means that it becomes my concern as well).
But you need to work that out by yourselves. If it makes you feel better to know what exactly he's doing go on asking. But maybe you should also ask yourself at what point it has nothing to do with your wellbeing anymore but becomes nosiness (like a mother spying on her children's private affairs even though they don't need to be looked after any more). Might be worth calling that to mind now and then