He is not sure he can be a part of a poly relationship. He, as he puts it, has had problems with jealousy in past relationships. I feel that if he can talk about it, we can really figure out if this is something he can do and is just afraid, or something that just isn't part of him. He is truly happy that I am happy in my marriage though and is even accepting that I am poly.
When poly was first brought up and a relationship was proposed, he was very interested in learning more and even trying to date and see where it led. Then "something" happened. He says that after meditating and thinking, he "can't picture himself in a polyamourous relationship." But he then admits that things can and may change. He says that what I offer would be ideal, but he's not sure if he can be a "poly-husband" and I think that covers boyfriend as well.
He is sexually monogamous in nature, although as he admits to being in love with me for all of these years, including through his marriage, he knows that he can love more than one person at a time and he knows that polyamory is actually possible and not just an excuse for multiple partners.
I am very happy and lucky that he is so respectful of my marriage relationship. He has never met my husband (that changes this weekend) but he still holds him in very high respect. I know that if he does open himself up to what we are offering, that I will be a very very lucky woman on both halves...with a lot of work cut out ahead of me.
I suppose I could ask how you, Mono, got past the conditioning of "it's wrong to be with someone who is married to someone else, you will only cause harm" if that was an issue for you. That's what I mean by him still being caught up in the conditioning. I'm hoping that meeting my husband and hopefully having a word or two from hubby, as we won't be in a private setting, will help him see that, "maybe this can work...I'm not hurting their relationship." If that is not the case, then I'm going to probably have some pieces to pick up from my broken heart.
But I've done it before, I'm sure I can do it again, and this time I will have the wonderful support of my husband to help me get through.