Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
I was terrified when I left my wife....I had nothing but an old truck, a motorbike and a torque wrench. But I survived and found great strenght in standing on my own two feet.
Oh Mono...I know i'm new here but i've read many of your posts and I just want to say You are The Awesome!
I hope you're still coming back to read these posts even if you don't feel comfortably replying. We all will have varying opinions, take them with a grain of salt, breathe deep...and then walk forward the best you can Choosing where YOU place you feet. No-one will do that for you.
What Mono stated really HITS to the heart of what you want...."being true to yourself". There is nothing more empowering and healing than honesty and self awareness. One of the things I've been asking myself a lot is, am I investing as much energy into growing as an individual as I am in my relationships? I think if you want continue living with your husband and genuinely want to make that relationship the best it can be (in whatever form that might take) then you should perhaps be willing to put things on hold with other people for now. Take some time to really figure out what it means to be true to yourself, as well as what you can offer to be present and caring for your husband.
If the two of you can't find a happy middle ground IT WILL seriously affect your kids, let alone continue to make those personal wounds deeper.
My impression is that you both have a lot to share with each other to heal those old wounds. You and he may be stuck in this painful cycle forever if you aren't willing to make a decision about what you want your relationship to be, regardless of living together or getting divorced.
I hear quite clearly that you will stay married and live together...but have you actually discussed what you want from that?
Whether you're with him as a loving life partner, or with him as a loving friend you still need to communicate with him and he with you. You should both clarify what your boundaries are. If he refuses to discuss things and is simply content to be miserable then you seriously need to do whatever you can to get yourself and the kids out of this environment. One person's misery is like cancer to all those forced to live with it.
I sincerely wish best of luck to you....this might be a long journey but you only have to take one step at a time.