MDMA, in regards to any suggestions on how to get rid of that illness I have only one. It takes a lot of work and conscious effort on your part. Anytime you feel yourself doing that, you have to stop and say, ok this isn't going to help me how do I deal. Also, (and I say this all the time) COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!! What you're feeling is ok, but you know what you want to change that. Your partner needs to be open to any and all conversations that you need to have to help you get through this. Which brings me to another point in your post.
He absolutely should be doing things on your terms...in a sense. There has to be give on both sides, but if you're mono and he's poly, then he needs to comfort you and let you, again, work through all of this on your own time scale. With that said, that means that you have to do your part to understand, which of course you are by being here.
Remember that your feelings are absolutely valid and are ok to have. We're human and you're suffering and he needs to be understanding of that. Tough talks are gonna happen, but they are a part of this lifestyle. My wife and I had MANY conversations that had to be revisited because we couldn't have them without excess emotion. That's ok, so long as you go back and talk about the issues.
*HUG* Just because