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Old 05-18-2010, 04:24 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 600
Default Not buying it

Danny, I found it a little incongruous to read that last post of yours and then your tag line, which discourages excuses for not living every day as if it were your last.

Of course no one on here knows the full situation of anyone posting, but what I respond to, Cori, if you haven't left the forum because you got an opinion you didn't like, is that the OP started out describing how long this bad situation has been going on. I'm sure we all have compassion for the misery Cori wrote about, but part of support is telling the hard truth as we see it to someone who is too enmeshed in the situation to see clearly.
Here's what we do know:

Originally Posted by cori View Post
I have been married for 14 years , we have two children. I had been unhappy in our marriage and in myself for a long time. I had tried to talk to my husband about my issues but our communication has been pretty poor which i suppose has lead to relationship breakdown. About two years ago I started chatting online and got to know various people.
Who knows how long "a long time" is.

Originally Posted by cori View Post
We stopped having sex about 18 months ago , moved into seperate rooms etc. He seemed to accept this and did not try an alter things. Meanwhile i started dating, he was aware of this but I wasnt totally upfront about it (meaning I didnt tell him 'im going out with x tonight) .
So now we know Cori started talking to people online, stopped having sex with her husband shortly thereafter, and began dating other people without being "upfront" about it.

Originally Posted by cori View Post
I told my husband about this relationship early on, he is still having a lot of difficulty accepting it. Despite the fact that we have had no intimate relationship in almost 2 years he still sees it as cheating.
Well, it is. You are still married to him and he does consent to this.

Cori's husband has stayed around for two years (at least), unhappy, not consenting to the circumstances of his life, and Cori has continued to engage in other relationships regardless of the fact that her marriage is dead and she knows she is hurting the father of her children, whose finances are somehow tied to hers in an "inextricable" way.

Originally Posted by cori View Post
What else can I do to help my husband.? I know im still hurting him, but i have to be true to myself.
You can't help him. He needs to help himself, and you are exactly right that you are responsible for being true to yourself, Cori. You said that getting a divorce could take years? After all these years of being unhappy for both of you (and your kids!)? I live in the States, and I'm sure your financial stuation complicates things, but I could a divorce from my husband inside two weeks for under a thousand dollars.

I know I don't know you, Cori, and you may have already left because some of us are not buying the fact that you are a helpless victim here just trying to do the right thing. From an outside perspective, which I think is what you came here for, both you and your husband are too afraid to end a marriage that keeps you comfortably miserable. It really is out of concern for all involved that I say- after all these years and all this hurt, there is no excuse for prolonging it another moment unless you just don't want to, in which case, this will be your life for years to come and you have no one to blame but yourself. How are you ever going to have something real and fulfilling in your life within these painful and disconnected circumstances?

Be brave woman, there's always a way. You can start right now figuring it out if you can take responsibility for it.

I am sorry you are all hurting. I hope to hell you figure it out because life is too short and nothing worth having can be had without risk of losing everything. Don't be afraid, you can do this and be a happier woman, better mother, and better partner for it.

"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan

I love Catfish and Charlie.
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