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Old 05-18-2010, 08:00 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Searching View Post
He said that he would stay with me and remain mono but that in order to do so he had to "turn-off" his sexual desire so our sex life would be pretty non-existent. I'm not really into giving that up.
Sounds like blackmail. If he could so easily "turn-off" his sexual desire (which I call "bullshit" to in the first place), then he could also "turn-off" his sexual desire for multiple people. I don't believe either. He just forced you into an ultimatum, and disguised it as some kind of "sacrifice" he'd be willing to make "for you" when there's really no "for you" in there at all...

I read the books, we talked about it, then we talked some more....and then a little more. I asked him to read the books too (9 months later...he still hasn't)
That's another red flag. What, is he afraid he might actually learn something about how to do this the right way? That the books might tell him there are some rules (basic human etiquette more than anything) that he'll have to follow to actually call himself "polyamorous" and not just a player?

Frankly, bluntly, it sounds like he hasn't got a clue about polyamory. He lies, sneaks, and tries to get away with things by referring to the "letter of the law" when he doesn't "technically" break the rules, but does break the spirit of the guidelines.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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