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Old 07-21-2009, 01:36 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 369
Default How do we explain?

Hello everyone. N and I have been coming out as poly now for a couple of years to small pockets of people at a time. Most are pretty accepting of it, though it could only be in theory since we don't currently have a third.

Anyway, we've recently been hanging out with another couple I went to college with. The woman was very repressed and closed-minded to all things involving non-traditional sex and family life. However, she has recently been open enough with me to admit it was only because she had been through horrible experiences when younger when she had tried to express her bisexuality. She has now begun to accept herself as a bisexual and is interested in exploring this and, perhaps, allowing her husband to join. He seems intent on joining in fact.

Our problem comes to the fact that we (N and I) think they fit more the swinger approach than the poly. They've expressed interest in swinging, threesomes with another woman not involving romantic feelings, and delved into the topic of same room couple sex. N and I always placate them and side-step their questions by promising to take them to a swingers club or something after the baby is born. They've never directly asked us to be involved and we're trying to keep it light by acting as if these inquiries are in general and not (as I feel they are) directed at us specifically. The woman once, when drunk, asked me about joining her and her husband but has no memory of it. Or at least we don't ever discuss it.

We really like this couple in a friendly sense and do not want sexual involvement with them. We also do not want to say or do the wrong thing in a direct confrontation to drive them away or her back into the closet as she's had an extremely hard journey out. Neither deals well with perceived rejection. Since they've never directed anything specifically at us we don't know how to approach this. They look to us to be their guides. That's become pretty clear. But, while they want swinging, we're poly. I don't think they grasp the difference no matter how we explain. Advice please on how to proceed and keep the friendship? Thanks.
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