I think you are wise to take it as it comes and allow for the natural progression of it all.
While I agree that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, this is different. Its not about your wife dating someone and you not being *allowed* to date someone. Its about her uncomfortablness in your interest in who she is dating. Very different. I think the *going at the pace of the one who is struggling most* theory applies to this one. Which sounds like what you are doing.
In time the boundaries that are needed for your possible triad to succeed will be revealed. She knows now, so letting her sit with it right now is probably the best bet in my opinion.
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