I sounds like you are doing a very good job at attempting a poly lifestyle. HE is the one that is not. The continual breaking of agreements and guidelines, the lying by omission (we have an entire thread about whether omission is lying), the sneaking around behind your back... it sounds like he wants a cheaters lifestyle in the clothing of a poly. He doesn't want to give you the chance to say "no".
He seems to want more than you are willing to give. He wants free reign and you want agreements and guidelines. He is not willing to wait and give you time to adjust or to reassure you in any way. The fact that he basically threatened you with no sex if he doesn't get his way shows that he does not really care if you are happy, as long as he gets what he wants.
Plain and simple, this is not going to work, especially with the way it is going. You cannot have a poly or really any relationship without trust and communication and the two of you have completely different views of what they should be. Either get help with the core relationship, be unhappy, or (I hate saying it) end it now and save yourself the pain from continual breaking of trust.
I wish you luck, and hope that you won't give up on poly as, as you say, it resonates with you and you are doing everything you can to be poly.
Life is about the journey and not the destination,
so what better way to know life
than to wander all the roads and paths set before you.