Originally Posted by Searching
Maybe I really am not poly....though so much of it resonates with me. I just wonder if I can't be poly with him because of the trust issues and honesty problems. He says it would be worse if he is upfront all the time, but he has never tried....he always seems to think it is better to hold back until he is sure it is headed somewhere (the bedroom), but that is what makes me feel he is hiding something. It really isn't about the sex part, it about knowing what is going on with my life and my partner. I know this is all rambley and convoluted but there it is. Any words of wisdom?
Sounds like you are trying. However, if you feel you can't trust him you will also go through this. Over and over again.
Why does he believe it would be worse if he was up front all the time. I don't understand this, as it would remove your doubts etc. Has he tried to be up front with you and it didn't work? Maybe this is poly baggage from a previous poly relationship that had this problem?
Also...maybe I like to talk, but I tell my wife everyone I interact with. We enjoy our social lives and talk about our friends and people we interact with. I would, personally, find it very odd to suddenly come out of left field and say, "hey remember that person we met for 30 minutes 3 months ago, I have been chatting with her for the last month and we got together last night." Personally that would feel like I was cheating a bit. Thats my own person feeling though. Especially if I had ANY inkling towards possible sexual contact.