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Old 05-17-2010, 07:43 AM
sumsumsum sumsumsum is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Southwest
Posts: 34

Thanks everyone. I am so thankful to have this outlet. It will be fun to see where this leads.

New developments, points, considerations and thoughts:

I am NOT a morning person but my guy and my gal are, so they have been talking/chatting every morning. To top it off, they are both the LOVELY kind of morning people! I am not exactly a grouchy morning person, but I dont like a lot of interaction in the morning. I WILL snuggle and use kind words but honestly- I do it to be nice, it is not a natural compulsion : ) For them, it is. They both like to chat, snuggle and be happy and active in the morning. (freaks : )

So, we have found a natural place and time for them to develop their relationship with each other. Organic. I like that.

The ONLY hitch, and this is SO stupid- is that in the back of my mind I have been thinking that with the warming temps that I would start getting up early and make a commitment to loose these few pounds that have been plaguing me. Now I am worried that doing so will infringe on their "time". I will figure it out.

I feel our first "rule" coming on. Information relay. My husband and I are best friends, historically, we tell each other everything. Same with me and my gal and I guess, that for a few months, the 2 of them have been doing the same. It was a normal "thing" for each of us to talk about the "other" and work through ideas, wishes and complaints.

All of us seem to be hinting that we need to not "talk" for the person who is not present. It is going to take some work to figure this out since it has been a natural part of the relationships but we really should avoid the typical- "well x feels..." and "X says...." and "x wants".

Her zen is doing laundry. His zen is doing dishes. They want to trade up, he goes over and does her dishes (which she hates) and she comes and does our laundry (which he hates). We will talk about this. It seems a little early for household merging. (Appointing and serving is my zen. I dont do housework. I organize, pay the bills, hire maid service when needed and in general seek to make the special moments in our life (and they are all special) to be filled with a magical quality). They both seem a little eager to get going with this arrangement but are sensitive and understanding to my needs in this regard.

HE and I are "courting" HER. Sending gorgeous flowers, poems and love notes. As much as I want HER to feel loved by me and by HIM, I want her to feel loved by the BOTH of us.

I told her that I was not comfortable coupling with her until HE and HER were a little further along in their relationship. She was very understanding. I explained that I didnt want to come from a place of controlling, dominating or forcing, but from a place of respect for that side of the triangle and for the center. I dont want to encourage "V" energy. She doesnt want that either, so as hard as it is, we are on hold as far as 1on1 intimate time between her and I go.

6. We are each missing each other and the "group" more and more.

7. So far, no major upsets or pains.

They both seem to be needing a lot of reassurance from me. A lot of emotional attention. Not my strongest asset, but I am doing what I can. Lord help me- a lesbian falling for a married man and a Catholic boy falling for ANYONE.

OH! They have both intimated to me that they see/are feeling this as a permanent thing. We are only 2 weeks in and if only for the fun and romance, I would like us to stay in the dating and 'checking-it-out' phase for as long as possible.

HE is struggling a bit with sensory overload when the three of us are together. He is gets a little over excited, physically and mentally. It is affecting his erection. I gave him some breathing exercises to do and he is going to start cardio training (again) to see if that helps.

Keeping it simple. Of course it is MUCH more complex, but for now we are trying to keep it simple by applying the 2 choice method.
Choice 1: The aspects of love and integration (acceptance, juicy, etc)
Choice 2: The aspects of hate and separation (guilt, shame, jealousy, etc)
When "things" come up, we are seeking to choose option 1.
When that is difficult to do, we bring it to the "table".
Curious, this- during out last session, HE was more attentive to HER than he was towards me. I felt a tiny bit of discord rising up in me. I made the choice to choose #1 and the feeling of discord transformed into the most amazing TURN ON. DELICIOUS.

At this point, our only commitments to each other(s) as of now, is are 1) Playing the choice game and 2) Doing our very best to assure that the others feel that they are getting the long end and best end of this relationship stick : )

We have a long weekend planned and we are getting excited! We each want to make it fun, light hearted and communicative. I am excited to share the details of that as they come forth. For now, in preparation, we are each going to come up with 10 scenarios (sexy and otherwise), let each other view them to make sure that none are unacceptable to the others, then the acceptable ones all go into our weekend basket, to be pulled out when and if needed/wanted. Just for fun. This is our answer to the question of what happens if we get restless, uncomfortable or heaven forbid- bored during our first amount of concentrated time with each other. 5 full days!

Thanks again for providing a safe place for me to journal and share.
It seems that this forum is my only therapy.
And really- I dont want to make anyone jealous, that is not in my nature- may I suggest choice #1! : )

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