There is a light at the end of the tunnel (might be a train)
I am cutting and pasting from my "introduction" posts, as this seems the better compartment for my reflections on this new relationship.
I am just opening to a triad relationship.
I am a 42yo female with a steadfast and brilliant relationship with a 40yo man who loves and worships me.
My husband, of his own accord, has developed deep feelings for one of my dear lesbian friends. This, while I was attempting to dampen the fire I held for her and while she herself was suffering madly over her unrequited love of me.
I had pushed her aside because as my husband had first stated, he "is not into lesbians" and as she had stated "I am not into guys". Without the "love" there was no way I could make it work and as much as she begged, I pushed her away.
It broke my heart.
Since I was a little girl, I knew I was supposed to be with both a man and a women in a loving sense.
I had tried 3some parties, but it just didnt work out. Wasnt the same. Not enough love or emotional connection for me. What I wanted, fantasied about was love all the way around.
What I settled on was a traditional relationship and lots of 3way porn.
Something miraculous has happened over the last year, and sort of behind my back.
They have grown deep and attractive feelings for each other.
Apparently, since they both love and respect me, they had a hard time bringing this information to me in a clear way.
I had received subtle hints, that I thought were just my husband trying to be accommodating and understanding; inviting her to more of our social events, saying- yeah, she is looking kinda hot these days, I see what you were getting at..... maybe having her join us in bed so that we could both take care of you, isnt the worst idea after all.
And her: "Well, I have to admit, you do have the best husband in the world". "Apparently I only like 3 men in the world- Michael Stipe, Mr X and your husband- he is really really sweet"
When I connected the dots and got to the reality of the situation, I could hardly contain myself! I scheduled an immediate hookup!
We had a full weekend with each other and it was everything I had ever hoped and dreamed of. It was sweet, and deep and lovely and respectful and rich and just down right dreamy! I am in bi-girl, born-poly HEAVEN!
But here is the weird part-
I am like the reverse jealous wife!
I am driving MYSELF crazy and am a tad worried that I may do the same to them!
I hang on their every word to each other...
Constantly assessing body language
Constantly looking for clues
Constantly listening for tone and cadence
If I were the type and had the time, I swear I would pilfer through their text messages and emails to each other...
LOOKING and SEARCHING for confirmation that they DO really love each other outside of ME!
So, far the confirmation has been there and it makes me SO very happy.
I am so afraid that she is doing this just so that she can be with me and that he is doing it just to make me happy.
Does that sound dreadful or weird or wrong?
What if they are playing me?
I find myself pushing them to be together just so that I can have confirmation.
They both swear to me that I do not need to do this, that it is there.
And, I will say, for a lesbian, she- without prodding or asking or anything other than free volition- hopped right up on him like there was nothing she wanted more. So, there is that. Like I said, I do have confirmation.
But as jealous women need support, I think I do as well.
I am a weird vegetarian, no meat, no fish. But I refuse to give up bacon.
She says that it is the same with her being a lesbian now. She refuses to give up the identifier but now likes her bacon- lol. We are going to get him a t-shirt that simply says "bacon". Ha.
And he- well, I find him doting over me and giving me LOTS of love. So much love. And I am taking it, loving it, appreciating it.
So, there is my story.
Support and feedback is welcome.
Nobody else can pipe in on my reverse jealous wife syndrome?
My husband and I have such a great relationship and our new partner is so deserving of respect and love! I just want to do my best to assure that every one feels as if they got the long, the best, the most wonderful part of this relationship! For me, that means we all LOVE each other, independent of the other(s) and as a whole.
Perhaps I have my own "deserving issues". I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to be in a "V" relationship, but that is not what I really want.
I know that you cannot force "love" and I dont want to, not really- well, maybe sortof. If I could wave a magic wand, I would. For sure. But ehhhh. See?
Anyways, we got together last night and my husband had to process with me after. He was struggling with feelings of guilt because when he looked into her eyes, he felt the same sense of love that he feels from and with me. So- yes, some issues to work through- but I have HOPE! and more confirmation!
And SHE called me this morning to chat about her feelings for HIM with me, just wanting to make sure that I was doing ok with it.
We are each going through what feels like a deep spiritual awakening.
Thanks for listening.