Originally Posted by MyDemonsMyAngels
....... My problem is I have what some people in the Poly world like to call COMPARISONS DISEASE. I cannot stop myself from comparing the relationship my boyfriend has with me (his primary) and the relationship my boyfriend has with his secondary.
Hi Angel and thanks for stopping in and sharing with all of us !
You've hit on something (above) that's potentially really valuable for you.
It IS a dis-ease (intentional hyphenation). And it will impact your whole life if you allow it. The good news is that you are one step ahead already. You've identified it.
The culture we live in fosters an unnatural desire for competition. We're constantly told that competing for everything is a desirable. Consequently, when for some reason we don't seem to be winning some perceived battle, culture (or ourselves) deems us a failure !
You want to live like that ? Be my guest ! But I suspect not
Because there IS another way - another model. It's one of cooperation. Where we work together to try to make everyone's life a little more pleasant. And in that model competition (except for fun sake) has to go away. We don't want to make comparisons except to celebrate uniqueness. We note various differences and only choose to adopt some changes because they are beneficial to the big picture - not because it changes some "status".
Now that you've discovered that for yourself, you're on the road to fitting it into your thinking and life. You're not "competing" - you're building something better.