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Old 05-16-2010, 02:52 PM
BlueFlame BlueFlame is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6
Default Another long introduction

Hello everyone. I've been an occasional lurker on this board since last year. Recently I decided to get an account so that I could start interacting with people; though with my busy schedule it just hasnít happened until now.

Anyway, I thought Iíd finally introduce myself. Iím a 28 year-old female and been married for 8 years. We have no children and donít foresee any in the near future. I donít think I ever would have considered myself poly; in fact, I still donít think itís a very good word to describe me, yet itís the type of relationship Iím currently in. Said relationship came about very slowly as a little over a year ago I found that I was getting stronger feelings for one of my closest (bi-sexual female) friends. I had long suspected she had feelings for me, but she valued our friendship more than trying to make anything out of her feelings.

My feelings toward her werenít ones I ever considered acting on. For one, it was more of an intense emotional bond for me than something physical (Iím generally not sexually attracted to other females); and, for another, I was married and another relationship simply wasnít in my list of options. A few months from this realization, my husband surprised me one day by telling me heíd been having sexual fantasies about my friend and me.

My husband and I talked about it quite a bit that day and more over the course of time. It was a fun idea for me to play with, but not something I considered seriously for myself because I figured my feelings were one of simply a close friendship. However, by the time fall rolled around (this is making a long story short), I realized that I might be feeling more for her than I previously supposed. That was when the talks with my husband became more serious, and when I started doing research on the subject of Polyamory (which is when I found this board). He was ecstatic about the idea of me being with her and by the time I visited her this February (she lives in another state than I do), I decided to make a move which was received very warmly.

So now Iím currently in a V. Both my primary and secondary seem happy as larks about the situation (except for the fact that sheís long distance). As for me, sometimes Iím happyóI have 2 people who love me dearly, and who I love in return; people who I have a wonderful relationship withóbut sometimes Iím not. I feel confused and unsure if this is the direction I want my life to take. I also fear both the fact that my relationship with her wonít last forever, as well as the idea that it just might last. It would break my heart to lose her (she feels the same way about me), but at the same time, Iím not sure this is how I want to live my life.

I know this introduction is long, but I guess I finally just decided I needed to put this somewhere because I havenít really found any stories and the like of anyone in a situation close to mine, and I donít have any friends that are poly, so I donít really have anyone to talk it out with or seek advice from. Of course, Iím not really sure what advice Iím looking for either, so I suppose that isnít very helpful.

In any case, greetings. Apologies for the long post. Iím not sure how much Iíll have to contribute to this board as I donít know if I can be considered a Ďtrueí poly, but I would like to be more than just a silent observer and perhaps even make some friends in the process.
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