Originally Posted by Mohegan
Big step for tomorrow. A friend ours is heading back to North Carolina after a 3 week leave from the military. He is having a party tomorrow night. I decided to ask my husband if he would like to bring her. He had apparently already thought of this. I felt kind of let down. I thought okay I'm making a big step, let's all spend some time together. And he had already made all plans for it to happen anyway. I HATE being so damn petty, and I don't know how to make it stop. The point is we all get to spend some time together in a public setting so no awkwardness. Not who came up with the idea.
Oh well, I have a cake to bake, and that is always a destressor, so I'm going to go concentrate on that.
Something about this bothers me. Did he invite her before he checked with you? Or did he just tell you he already thought of it and then asked her? If he already asked her I think he might have jumped the gun a little. With everything in such a fragile state right now he really needs to run these things by you before asking her to come along. I understand he was trying to show her he cares about her but you are his wife and he knows you are the one trying to accept his new life choices and needs to really remember that first.
If he just mentioned he had already thought of that maybe I am just playing the glass half full card first but maybe he was just trying to show that your minds were on the same page and that maybe you two were progressing toward understanding each other here. Perhaps he wasn't trying to take the credit.
Congrats on wanting to invite her along. That is a big step in such a short amount of time. A week into it I still couldn't face J. I was barely able to bring myself to talk to her about him. I only wanted to talk to her about what on earth was going on in her head and why she had made the promises that she had if they were only going to be broken. We have talked through all that now and I am great with her. But with four months behind us that has helped. And we have pretty lengthy conversations about so many things every day. Sometimes DH actually gets jealous because J and I talk so much. That is when I try to dial it back so he doesn't feel like I am taking over. Then he feels bad and apologizes. Sorry got off the subject there.
Basically I think you are doing really well! Keep taking it slow though. Don't overwhelm yourself and don't do ANYTHING before you are ready. Continue progressing but if you know you aren't ready then slow down, take a deep breath, tell you DH and her both and try again later.