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Old 05-14-2010, 10:17 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
What no one seems to be covering is the fact that we all need time for ourselves as well. I have a standing date night once a week with myself as well. It's a couple of hours where the kids are at youth group and the guys are out doing their RPG thing so I take the time & use it to do things I enjoy or need to do. Sometimes this night doesn't happen & I'm miserable when it doesn't so I try to take some time through the week to 'meditate my navel' so that if it doesn't happen I'm still ok.
yeah, very good point!

I have had discussions with people talking about how when you add someone into the relationship you add another bond that has to be nurtured.

I actually thing that with a three people poly setup there are actually seven relationships that need to be given time - the three between each of the pairs (even if that is only friendship, there should usually be some sort of trust there and an ability to communicate), plus the dynamic of the three together (which may be very different from any of the pairs), and then the three relationships that the individuals need to have with themselves.

If you lose that last one (and that can happen often quite easily, especially if you are the "hinge" of a V relationship), then it can sometimes get to the point where you totally lose touch with yourself while devoting all your energies to be with your two partners.

It's the one I struggle with the most, too - when I do get time to myself I tend to veg rather than doing the things that are important to me. need to work on that habit. :-)
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