Originally Posted by sage
I guess my question to you is "what is in it for the mono partner?" It sounds like years of pain and hard work. Of course I love the idea of allowing my partner the freedom to fully experience his love for a secondary but if it is going to cause me pain and hard work for years how loving am I being to myself?
I think Redpepper got most of the answer by saying that you get to be with the one you love. But I think there are other benefits to a mono partner. Here are a few that come to mind:
1) You have a stronger network. For example, you can call on your partner's other partners to plan a birthday or take care of that person if they are sick.
2) More relationship experience. The more relationsships people go through, the more experience they build up. So your partner may be better able to listen and communicate due to the influence of other relationships.
3) Personal growth. You can look deep in yourself to really understand yourself better. If you feel jealous, is it due to insecurity? If you feel insecure, then why?
4) Relationship based on honesty and communication. You shouldn't need to worry about affairs or cheating behind your back. This allows you to trust more since there are less reasons to lie.
5) You don't have to be everything. For example, if BDSM is not your thing and it is his, then there is an outlet for him to meet his needs.
6) You are free to love as well. You may one day find yourself surprisingly attracted to someone else. In polyamory, you are not completely stuck to being mono. You can explore your feelings. It doesn't even have to be sexual.
7) You get to hang out with the cool and edgy people of society. This is way better than following that well beaten path everyone else is taking.