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Old 05-14-2010, 03:35 PM
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KatTails KatTails is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
hmmmm...I learned compersion by being dragged kicking and screaming into accepting it. I had to do a lot of self reflection, introspection and communication to get there. I still fail at it sometimes, but I know the "why" or my stumbles. For me, so far, it was like a boxing match between jealousy and compersion with me as the ref...
Ari - this is my experience as well! There are still times, a year into this, when I start to kick and scream and refuse to allow compersion to emerge - but the "ref" in me is getting better at reigning that in before it gets out of control.

Originally Posted by poiyt View Post
I agree with ariakas...I was totally kicking and screaming at first...and it took a lot of self exploration. I still sometimes, more frequently than I would like, have those pangs of jealousy that I have to focus on and deal with...or just completely ignore and do something else. There are still times where I cannot feel compersion even when I really want to.
poiyt - I know exactly what you mean. It's a daily battle!

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
For me it's a Nike kind of thing, "just do it"...
LR - I'm taking your "just do it" attitude and running with it. It's working so far! I have also said a few times "fake it till you make."

Originally Posted by idealist View Post
For me, compersion results from a underlying concept of Abundance rather than the perception that things are limited. I have come to believe that things like love, lovers, chemistry and charisma (to name a few) are abundantly available as long as we are open to experiencing them.
There is enough love available for everyone. There is enough pleasure available for everyone. It's just a matter of expecting it and being able to experience these things when the opportunities arise!
idealist - this is where I have struggled a lot! It's a way of thinking about things in a different way. Not always easy to do when things are painful. But I do try to keep this in mind. The only thing that is limited is time and I think that is where a lot of my concerns with morningglory and my husband come in. But it is something we are working on and compersion helps us do that!

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I said to [mono] that I learned compersion by deciding, after much wallowing and really feeling them, that I was not interested in the feelings I was holding of jealousy, envy, hurt, sadness, abandonment and decided to walk right through them and see them from the other side. I decided to stand outside of them and look at situations without allowing myself to fall into all those feelings that were holding me back. Once I did that and could see clearly I saw only joy and happiness for my partner or other personal situations I was struggling with.

I believe that I create my reality and that I can shape it to suit my needs. Feeling all the negative feelings above was not serving me well and making me unable to be the best person I could be, have the best life for myself and kept me from loving myself.

Compersion comes to me rather than is a given. I have to conjure it up in extreme situations, but it does come and I know how to access it now. I think it eventually will be a free flow into it, but I spent too many years developing the part of my brain that hates me, blames others, plays the victim etc, to let that go entirely just yet. My brain is developing into compersion and more positive ways of being... not a thin veil of positive, but really positive.... this infleunce changes the world I think.

redpepper - I hope you don't mind me saying this - but I love you! I love how your mind and heart work. I love how you look at things. I love how open you are. The bold part above is exactly how I feel about this. Thank you for putting my feelings into those words.

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
If I were to try to explain how to achieve compersion it would be to learn to care about your partner's partners. That is where my compersion comes from. That is one of the reasons I believe in order to have a sustainable integrated muti-partner relationship you need to not only know each partner, but also need to possess genuine caring for them. The extension of your love for your partner through them and into their other partners. That is my key to compersion. But my compersion isn't your compersion...compersion is as fluid as poly itself
MG - I think we are getting there!

Compersion cannot exist when there is jealousy, insecurity, resentment, competition or anger. It's taken me a long time - but I'm getting closer and closer. As with everything, there are good days and bad days. I know the bad days will lessen as time goes on.

The compersion I have felt this week for 2rings and MG is in turn making me happy and is helping to squelch any negative emotions that start to pop up.
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