Eugene, I'm Gem's BF. I figure maybe I should chip in just a bit.
I've heard the phrase "in a perfect world" used quite a bit, both IRL and here on the boards, and while it can occasionally be nice to think about, the thing I realized right from the outset is this: You can not
dwell on what would make things 'perfect'. Yes, "in a perfect world" either I would have brought a wife/GF with me into this and everyone would have been happy in a quad/square, or Gem would have been single.
HOWEVER, we don't
live in a perfect world, and I saw immediately that wanting and wishing for something that could not possibly happen, or could not happen for a while (in the case of a quad), would only lead to disappointment at first, then probably bitterness, then... Besides, and though I AM mono (at this time, anyway...Gem and I have discussed my POTENTIAL polyness given our large number of similarities, and I cannot rule the possibility out), I quite simply do NOT want Tech to 'disappear'. He's a pretty good friend and a pretty good guy, and in a platonic way I love him too. Unfortunately I'm a jealous person (which I've been working on, and it's been very
difficult!), but the only thing I've EVER been jealous of him about is the fact that he lives with her and I don't.
I don't begrudge him being with her in ANY way, and I
want their marriage to be a happy one! I only want to ADD to BOTH of their lives, and to my own in the process. Tech is right, I would be happy being part of a triad. Whether that can/will come to pass remains to be seen, though, and is likely quite a ways off even if so.
Just my two (eight?) cents.
Eugene, good luck with your hiking pal. Hopefully you can work things out.