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Old 05-14-2010, 03:23 AM
LadyMonterey LadyMonterey is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Ottawa, ON Canada
Posts: 10
Default How often do you see your secondary partners?

Hi surfer

All 3 of us have busy lives & we live & work in different parts of town. We all want that independence. I was seeing my primary once a week which, after awhile, scared him (fear of commitment). So he distanced himself. When I noticed that we were seeing each other every 3 weeks, we had a talk & this is when he agreed to share me (for a couple of reasons). Along came J. The plan was to alternate weekends but there was a little competition going on & my weekends got very busy. I no longer let my primary know when I'm seeing J. A month ago, I agreed to share my primary with his ex-girlfriend (which was a difficult thing for me to do but felt it was only fair) ... well, I'm now watching the calendar & I may have to have a chat soon about "my time". How often I see one or the other changes with life's demands & availability. However, my primary sends e-mails that are like love notes, several times a week. And that's really nice. It's his style but it isn't J's. I can't see him do that.

As for meeting each other... I think my 2 guys would get along really well. They have a lot in common, but they both said "No!" when I suggested it. I was ready to meet my primary's ex, welcome her even if it was briefly, for the sake of comfort, but she doesn't want to. I'm being patient because I know they are not familiar with poly. I think in time, I'll insist they meet. I'd want them to be a more cohesive part of my life. I do like some of the things I read concerning this issue & I will probably be a little stronger in suggesting I meet the ex. The 2 men know a lot about each other but she's a secret & I didn't want that in my relationships.

I don't think it matters how often you see someone to use the terms boyfriend/girlfriend. It's the quality of your connection with that person that matters.
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