Originally Posted by capricorny
So you are emotionally monogamous. (Maybe sexually too, I didn't quite get that from your descrition of affair.) Does that exclude you from being polyamorous? That's the question here. With a somewhat less specialized notion of love than your "love without sex is friendship", I think you would check all the way on Ariakas' list, wouldn't you?
Nope, I couldn't check two of them.
1) I don't have the ability to intimately love multiple partners, because I believe Ariakas is specifically using the the word love as in the type of love that can include sexual expression; the love of your children does not. There are different types of love. When I talk about it on here for the most part it is directly relationships related to adult sexual relationships.
I am sexually mongamous..when I had the affair I was essentially ill and completely without an understanding of the role sex had in my life. I got professional help to figure that out. I also explored non-loving sexual encounters and they were less than stimulating. Yes, my nature, my wiring and possibly my genetics, exclude me from being poly. But they do not exclude me from having a relationship with someone who is.
I could pop viagra and screw lots of women, but I only love one. I'm much better at sex when I am in love
2) instead of saying my poly is not your poly (because I claim no ability in polyamory) I say - my monogamy respects your poly but maintains it's basic principle: I love and give myself to one. How you chose to love me has no affect on how I love you