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Old 05-12-2010, 04:30 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capricorny View Post

I wonder if that may be the real difference between "mono" and "poly": "Real" monogamists can't stand sex being linked with love outside the relationship at all.
Actually a "real" monogamous person can stand that. How do I know..because I am one. People who adhere to the ideal of socially defined monogamy couldn't but I am not one of those. I am a monogamous person internally, not one who simply acts monogamous based on exteranl conditionaing and influences.

Quote:
Originally Posted by capricorny View Post

BTW, if you had an affair, you aren't completely monogamous either. "Monogamous, but not fanatically" sounds a lot like "virgin, but not fanatically" to me
Having an affair doesn't mean you "love" two people the same way. It implies I had sex with two people. Full stop. One I loved as a lover, the other I no longer did. I loved her as the mother of my child and friend but not as a lover.

"Intimately loving" someone includes having sex for me. Sex is inherently tied to love for me but it took me 37 years to figure that out.
I associate Poly with sexual intent. For me personally, poly includes sexual energy although maybe not actually having sex due to certain reasons. I define poly very specifically for myself. Poly love is the kind of love that creates sexual attraction.

I do not "poly" love Redpepper's son and husband but I do love them.

As far as poly love towards multiple children and parents, I do not associate that type of love with these people. The multiple child love argument is one of the least well recieved by my mono friends and myself....you don't fuck your kids. No one has to agree with that but that is how I define it. For me and many other people the kind of love that includes sex is far different than any other kind of love. I understand that for others it is not.

I am accepting of the many different ways that people define polyamory and monogamy for themselves. I give no credence to anyone who claims to have the definitive answers to the ideas of "love" beyond thier own heart and soul.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post

I think someone who is monogamous is wired for one "lover" type of emotional connexion at a time. They can have more than one of the others, but only one at a time of this one. .
Perfectly put in my opinion

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
love - check
ability to love multiple - check
trust/honesty - check
communication - check
my poly is not your poly - check
Beautiful
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Monogamy might just be in my genes

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Last edited by NeonKaos; 05-12-2010 at 08:10 PM.
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