Originally Posted by Tonberry
So you mean a monogamous person could love other people, or have sex with other people, but not both?
I'm not for blanket statements: just like poly people aren't all the same, mono people aren't either. But I'm intrigued.
I put it as a question. There are so many aspects, so many configurations here.
First, any sex outside the primary couple would make you, per definition non-monogamous. But the swinger variety of non-monogamy, the pure form being sex, but nothing else, could be considered as a form of emotional monogamy. And it's the inner that counts most. Love, without sex, has to be tolerable within monogamy to some extent - surely there must be limits. But one of the good things with polyamory is that I don't need to try to define that acceptable extent
Second, the actual context here was a delf-declared monogamous man with a non-monogamous woman. (If I have understood it right.) I wonder if you can be declared totally monogamous, or more precisely monoamorous, if you can live well with this.
My intuition about this is that there may be way more polyamorous individuals around than we think, as they don't really conform to mono criteria. But they have no urge to practice polyamory, so they seem to be monogamous. And the question about "practicing" polyamory is - in the end - a practical one: In the right context, and if they meet the right person(s) they might go all the way.
I tend to view humans as generally polyamorous, "specializing" into monogamy for lots of different reasons. One of them very simple: Pair-bonding occurs, institutionalizing and regulating it could seem to make a lot of things easier - for some.
Otherwise, I'm with you in most of your considerations.