Even in swinging - people can fall in love. My husband didn't go looking for a girlfriend and he definitely didn't plan on falling in love. Him and MG are co-workers who joked around alot. My husband has always been a flirt - she flirted back. Since we had been swinging for about 2 years off and on (always together, never seperate) - he asked if he could have sex with her. After a lot of discussions, crying, talking i gave the ok. Took it back. Gave it again....because I was worried since I wouldn't be involved. They both thought it would only happen once or twice. 2 months later - they fell in love. Again - he wasn't looking. It was just sex to him. It turned into more and my biggest fear came true. But he didn't lie or cheat. He respected me enough to be honest and to ask me if it was ok.
Mohegan - I feel the same way about my husband that you feel about yours - so I do completely appreciate you wanting to stay and work this out. My only concern for you would be the cheating and the loss of trust. You guys need to work through that. I know some people will disagree with me but - if you haven't done so - I suggest finding a relationship therapist, preferrably one with knowledge and experience with polyamory, for you and your husband to go to together and seperately. We have one and she is fantastic! My husbands gf has also gone to our therapist and the three of us have gone together. It really has helped. You need to be able to trust him again and he needs to learn honesty and self control.
Keep reading, researching and learning. The people on here have been through a lot of different situations and experiences. You will find comfort and solace in their words of advice. Of course you will also find people who tell it like it is and you might not like it. Don't dis-count them - seriously consider what they are saying. Somethings will hurt - but you might just find that they are right.
Best of luck - Kat