Thread: I have a crush
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Old 05-12-2010, 11:36 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
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I have a crush too. Hopefully I'm allowed to hijack this thread to share my own story too? I thought they might be relevant to each other

I feel like I'm really falling for a guy from another forum. I really don't know what to do about it. I think he likes me as a friend, and since he knows I'm married I doubt there is more to it. What's more, because it's only from a forum and not in real life, I know next to nothing about is life, if he's got someone, etc.

I really, really like him, and I care more about keeping him in my life, even as a friend, than being with him, that is I'm not willing to risk losing him by freaking him out. I'm wondering if I should give up right now because of all the difficulties: I don't know if he's single, he knows I'm not, I don't know how to bring up that I'm polyamorous without it sounding creepy to him, I don't know if he likes me but is just assuming I'm being friendly since I have someone, etc, etc.

It's the first time this has happened since I've been with my husband (5 years). And we talked together, we're at a point where I'm comfortable with the situation with my husband, and not worried about him, and he's feeling good about our relationship too.

So it's all very new to me. All of the feelings and experiences of falling in love with someone, but with an added difficulty (as if there needed one!) or my polyamorous situation.
My husband and I have agreed that we don't want to be too open about being a poly couple. When we first told people, they all started assuming things, among which:
- we are evil people
- our couple is about to fall apart and we're not even trying to save it
- we're having sex with absolutely everyone we ever see
- since that's the case, they can try having sex with us and act all offended when we reject them

It wasn't very nice, so we realised the difficulties with being completely in the open. As a result, of course, people are going to assume we're a "normal" mono couple, and that makes it hard to get closer to someone I like.
And I don't want to hit on him in a very aggressive way, just get closer...

I was wondering how people handle that? I'm sure each situation is different, but some testimonies might help. Since I care about him, if would really hurt to be rejected based on being poly

How are things going for you, redsiren? Care to share more about your own situation? I'd be really interested
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