Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
We have a little difference in thinking. I'm in a non-monogamous relationship but I am not poly at all. Not a drop. I am monogamous but I do not have a monogamous relationship. The concept of having sex with multiple people (not at the same time though) is easy to consider because I have done this when I had an affair. The difference is one partner was intimately loved and the other was not. I just don't have the ability or the desire to "love" more than one person. There is no discomfort at all in this or sense of loss..just self awareness and certainty. I'm 100% comfortable in this aspect of myself.
Pardon me, but I have a question about that "intimately loved". I think that is a central issue here. "Poly wired" people seem to lack some constraints there that "mono wired" have. But is it all that simple? To me, "love" seems to be an extremely ambigous concept, as it is normally used. And if we start from other aspects of love than the sexually entangled ones, like love of children and friends, that kind is naturally "polyamorous". Approaching a classical poly situation from that angle, I'm not so sure that you are not poly at all. I think you can extend love to more than one partner, you just have no inclination to link it with sex - for your own part.
I wonder if that may be the real difference between "mono" and "poly": "Real" monogamists can't stand sex being linked with love outside the relationship at all.
BTW, if you had an affair, you aren't completely monogamous either. "Monogamous, but not fanatically" sounds a lot like "virgin, but not fanatically" to me