Honestly, I'm trying very hard not to be. I'm trying to be a mature adult and tell myself that it just didn't work out, and I don't have less love now and that these things happen. But really, I feel rejected, and frightened about what this means for my future, and lonely, and insecure, and used, and deep-down sad. I'm trying not to think about it too much. I'm trying very hard not to be angry at myself for not being psychic enough to prevent pain, or "worth it" for Sunday. Easy's being very patient with me, but also let me give myself credit for working really hard on being in charge of my emotions, because I'm working *really*hard*.
Really we all need to sit down and talk. I don't think all four of us have managed to be in the same room for long sans children in months. Sunday and I both come from backgrounds where you *do*not*talk*about*it*ever* so it's going to be fun. I need, before I get completely hysterical, to find out what Asha wants to do. It adds a horrifyingly vulnerable element that I have tried to be in essence a step-mother to their children and put myself out there and cared about them and then what? Do I still get to see the kids? Will I be cut off?
Anyway, all I really want to do is crawl under a rock right now, but I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you, when you've been nothing but kind to me. But everything is up in the air and I don't have any solutions.