Mono, this interests me because I am several steps behind you but may be similar in some respects (only some). So I'm looking at my own field and attempting to understand where my natural boundaries lie. (And trying to learn from your experience...) From one side I am poly: I feel no discomfort with my lover having other men and women to love. From the other side I am not so poly: I am uncomfortable with myself having other lovers. That may change if I meet the right woman, but it seems a remote possibility. So my boundaries are odd, uneven, and not yet very definite. Thanks for your feedback.
But as to principles?
- Be true to yourself: Don't force yourself (or let yourself be forced) to do things that hurt you psychologically, spiritually, or physically.
- Be true to your friends and lovers: Don't ask them to do things that hurt them in any of those ways.
I suppose these are simply loving and self-loving behaviors? And so they should be a life-rules and not restricted to poly. Maybe poly makes them even more important, though, since interactions are likely to be more complex than in other cases.
But these behaviors require a measure of self-understanding and understanding of others -- and communication to maintain that understanding. So I suppose a foundation principle is to seek understainding and awareness.
Redpepper: In fact, keeping my emotions in check at all times is a must... analyzing them before I speak and act is very important.. more so than any other area of my life.
Yes...understanding when an emotional response may hurt someone, and analyzing things before speaking and acting? That seems exactly right to me.