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Old 05-11-2010, 09:35 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 540

Originally Posted by inlovewith2 View Post
I'm married to an awesome guy, who after some initial hesitance has become open to both of us dating/loving others.
Well...that's good!!!

I truly don't think he (bf) can handle (being honest) emotionally.
I wouldn't want to date and get more serious with a person who can't emotionally handle being honest. I don't care how much I am in love with them.

He owes her thousands of dollars from the last year when he's been out of work with severe depression and feels like he truly owes her for saving his life (he explained to me that he's been homeless before and could not survive that again).
I'm not saying that a person who stuggles with depression and financial security does not deserve to be in a relatioship, but if I were to enter into a relationship with a person in this situation, I would expect ongoing chaos.....because that is what you are going to have. His co-dependent relationship with his ex along with his inability to be honest is a recipe for my opinion.

For the first time, I have actually been considering throwing in the towel on this relationship (with bf).
I would start backing away a bit if I were you.

But all of the sudden, things feel overwhelmingly complicated and all of this and some other difficult life events of late (the kidney stones actually being somewhat low on the list believe it or not) make me just want to hide
When I feel like this, it usually means that I need to just focus on myself. I would suggest that you pull back for a while and take a few deep breaths.

(remember that bf has severe depression and anxiety, including social anxiety) and to understanding that not talking to his ex is only going to blow up in his face in the long run.
And when it blows up in his face, it will blow up in the faces and lives of anyone who is near to him.

I do occasionally get involved with people who are struggling or codependent, or addicts etc.....but it is with full awareness that the ship is eventually going down and since I don't want to do down with the ship, I look for signs of it sinking.....when I see that..... I get in my life raft and paddle away quicky.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Last edited by idealist; 05-11-2010 at 10:05 PM.
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