Originally Posted by Mohegan
It really did help, thank you. Aside from the fact that we were already discussing a poly relationship. You and I share an almost identical situation. I think one of the hardest things for me is my hubby has cheated all through our relationship. I went from being Completely open to anything when we first met to closing up and getting more and more paranoid with each time. Yet I keep forgiving him. This is the only one that lasted more than once or twice and the only one he's loved. It seems that he only cheats at the points our relationship is on auto pilot or my illness has gotten to the point that I want no sexual contact for weeks at a time. At first I thought, what a jerk, I can't help my illness. But I realized that he was feeling ignored, and that being my care taker takes a lot out of him and he just wanted that small act of acknowledgment and affection, and I was so caught up in myself I ignored him. Along with our inability to communicate, that is something we are working on.
I would like to coin something in here. Its all good that you keep forgiving him but I find this odd. My wife has been sick on and off for years, which sometimes effects her sex drive. I have gone <<cough>> months without sex at times. It actually got to the point where my sex drive was declining because I just wasn't doing it. Luckily, things have resumed....
I have never been able to cheat (yes temptation rears its head, but for some reason I just can't do it, I consider myself lucky) and can't fathom how anyone can do it repeatedly, unless they enjoy cheating. Obviously there "can" be one offs, but you have a serial cheater on your hands. Maybe he enjoys the cheating as much as the sex.
PS he was a jerk...try and justify it anyway you like but by saying what you are saying gives men an excuse to keep cheating. Heck, you have given me an excuse to cheat
I am curious to see your answers to RP's questions too...