furthermore is the new guy considering it also.... ? what is the two guys status on the whole thing?
I agree whole heartedly about going slow! Your husband has no idea what it feels like to be blown away by this new man, as you do. Respecting that is paramount. Time is traveling at the same speed for him and so is his relationship with you, even if you are traveling miles faster. I have to remember that daily. I have to really think about the pace I once kept when it was just the two of us and be very careful not to disturb that. I know that he finds peace and is grounded in the way things were and still are to him, so it is too my benefit to make sure that is intact. It means that my world remains intact also (I also have a child to consider and in-laws, parents close friends.... etc...).
It has been difficult to not run around yelling, "wooooo hoooo, i'm so in love!" I see it as like going on an amazing trip and coming back and then having to keep your excitement inside so others won't get jealous. I'm busting some days and have to be very careful to enjoy that on my own. Sometimes it is useful to express and he definitely is aware of my happiness. Otherwise he wouldn't be so good at compersion!
This whole process has opened my eyes to my husbands strength and how much he really loves me. I can do nothing more than love him more for it. I hope that, if this is right, you experience that too.
Oh one more thing.... sex, or as you put it, "what happens between the sheets." We three are entering into interesting times with that one as my two worlds are colliding and we are all getting more bonded.... I think the time is right for that, but until now I kept the two men separate. I don't talk about what each one does and don't mix preferences and definitely haven't suggested one thing to the other in terms of what we actually do... if you see what I mean. I have found that by keeping it all separate I have enjoyed the two of them for exactly who they are and exactly what our relationship is on it's own. I have spent a great deal of time getting to know Mono (I'm assuming you know who that is?) and if I had told him specific things I do with my husband I would of missed the opportunity to create something unique to us. Now we are all so close and there is an established relationship there for me and mono and him and my husband... I don't have as much need to keep them apart in my mind. If that makes sense.