Originally Posted by Mohegan
It really did help, thank you. Aside from the fact that we were already discussing a poly relationship. You and I share an almost identical situation. I think one of the hardest things for me is my hubby has cheated all through our relationship. I went from being Completely open to anything when we first met to closing up and getting more and more paranoid with each time. Yet I keep forgiving him. This is the only one that lasted more than once or twice and the only one he's loved. It seems that he only cheats at the points our relationship is on auto pilot or my illness has gotten to the point that I want no sexual contact for weeks at a time. At first I thought, what a jerk, I can't help my illness. But I realized that he was feeling ignored, and that being my care taker takes a lot out of him and he just wanted that small act of acknowledgment and affection, and I was so caught up in myself I ignored him. Along with our inability to communicate, that is something we are working on.
I'm sorry, what does your need to be taken care of have to do with it? He made an agreement with you and he broke it.... why do you keep forgiving him? Does he not just have his behaviour reinforced each time because he knows you will forgive him? I don't understand how you could put this on yourself? He could of talked to you about how your illness was affecting him. Yet, he chose to do it again? What is it that keeps you with him exactly... ?really to me it's bordering on abusing the situation if this continues to occur over and over again. To me I see him mocking you at this point. Why? because it seems to me that anyone that feels shame and guilt because they are getting away with a behaviour resorts to mockery to make themselves feel justified....
i'm sorry, I am just completely unaccustomed to situations such as either of yours and am trying to understand.. I just would really like to know why you would stay in a situation that continues to eat away at your self worth, self esteem and good mental and physical health... please don't say it's because you love him.... cause that is a given.