Originally Posted by redpepper
...To lemondrop, I'm wondering to what purpose it serves to you being a witness to something that makes you uncomfortable. What is the purpose of you being around when they are engaging in this side of themselves? Could you not do something else and find things to occupy your time so that they can have a full BDsm life in whatever way suits them? Perhaps the trade off could be that you have some private/intimate times with Easy to balance things out a bit and make you feel loved and appreciated for what you bring to the table. I don't do certain things around certain people because I know that they aren't comfortable. It's my duty to make sure they are respected and that they feel they are just as worthy of my attention, love and that they are appreciated. Could this idea not work in your situation...?
Where's the smiley face with a grimace on it? It's tough to explain. Essentially, so far no one has felt comfortable separating from the group. I think Easy feels too much like it's cheating. I've suggested it a couple of times, and he keeps saying, "That's not what I signed up for. We're supposed to be in this together." I had issues in the past about being left out (again, hard to explain, but being excluded is still a big issue for me) and it's come around to be a snarl in this situation. But I'm reluctantly figuring out that there's no way around it here. Also, I think they're trying to reassure me that I'm still wanted because I think we're all being forced to admit that Sunday just can't do polyamory, and I just suck at hiding how much that hurts me.
I talked to Easy about this a bit. Our problem is that Easy has very little free time, so we talked five minutes here and ten minutes there, so none of this has been quality communication. I was worried that telling him I was uncomfortable would make him over-react, so I tried to lay the groundwork by discussing the fact that I feel like he and Asha haven't had a chance to explore the side of their relationship that they *most* wanted from each other. I'm trying to be the kindest, most considerate me I can be. I'm laying the groundwork for a solution, I think. I guess I was just hoping I could find a solution where I could be a part.