Originally Posted by Mohegan
He is on his way to pick her up now. Their first time seeing eachother since I found out last week. He didn't fight me on bringing her here. He said he thought it would be awkward b/c I don't want to see her at the moment and plan to stay in the bedroom. He said it would feel like I am sitting in here disapproving. I'm not, and explained that. I don't disaprove of their feelings for eachother. What I disapprove of was the lies and the cheating. We have been talking about bringing a woman home and eventually hoping to find one to join our lives, for a long time. Yet he never introduced us, never mentioned her until about 3 months ago. When she broke things off out of guilt for me and began dating her now ex.
What bothers me is that before all of this, I wasn't jealous of her at all. I had no issues with them spending time together. I was happy to hear he was happy. I had no problem even watching them kiss. Then I find out about the affair.
Now I hate the idea of them being alone together. My mind instantly goes to questioning everything. What are they talking about on the phone? What are they e-mailing about? If they are alone together what are they going to do? Can I ever trust them?
How am I ever supposed to get over this? I want him to be happy. I want to get to know her better and explore things to see if she and I are a match as well. But now I feel like it is all ruined.
They seem to be trying. They are answering all of my questions and I hope that I finaly have the whole story. She wants time out of a relationship to figure things out. So I am hoping that will give us all time to sort things out.
I'm still pretty hurt. I don't know who and what to trust, several of our friends knew and no one ever said a word to me.
Things seem to be getting better between my hubby and I. We are talking about everything. Both trying to keep tempers in check. We're both trying to take care of eachother. We had a pretty painful heart to heart a few nights ago. We both broke down the needs that weren't getting met. The things that have been forgotten about over time. The ways we have changed. It opened a lot up for both of us.
So now we are figuring out where to go from here. I just hope the changed being made, stay and are forgotten as time goes on.
I really urge you to look up my name under the search section and read pretty much all of my posts starting from the very beginning. You will find I have said these exact same things. Also you need to look into the website. www.xeromag.com
this will help you understand polyamory and it even has some suggestions about coming out of a cheating relationship and into one. This is the hardest way to do this. But we are managing ourselves. I am still struggling every day with the cheating that happend. Not just with J, with all of them. The trust is gone now but we are fighting so hard to retrieve what we had so many years ago.
Keep talking, keep asking, and somehow bring yourself to sit down with her face to face. At least IM to IM. J and I had to start there. I couldn't see her face for a long time. I am afraid I might have slugged her. But instant messanging can be a best friend here. Keep posting, keep blogging. It helps. Especially on the lonely nights. My night this week will be Tuesday. He is going over on that night.
You are actually ahead of me. He only brought her here once and that was when the three of us had a night together to cuddle. I told him I will never restrict when and where, all I ask is that not in my bed. That is my sanctuary. The only exception is if I am there. But not just the two of them. So far he has honored that and that means the world to me.