Thread: BDsm
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Old 05-10-2010, 05:27 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
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So, Saturday night, Easy, Asha, and I were all together. (Sunday opted out for various reasons.) Easy dominated Asha and had her do some things which made me uncomfortable, but she did them. I think I'm finding them triggering, because it's been bothering me ever since. Not huge, relationship-destroying bother, but niggling at the back of my mind and making me feel ooky bother. I love them both and I want them to be happy. I've tried to opt out of these situations, but they assure me that they want me involved. I want them to get their needs met. I know that I would have a tough time being excluded, and I think that they are trying their best not to exclude me. I'm pretty sure that my relationship with Sunday is going nowhere fast, so it's absolutely clear that if Easy and Asha were to be together alone I would be somewhere else alone, which they've said they don't really want, and honestly would be hard for me. I'm afraid to say anything to Easy because he is SO afraid of doing anything to hurt me that ANY mention of anything that could be construed as negative emotion causes him to completely over-react, such as back off so far that he might have to set up house in another country.

It was hard for me to see Easy be this way with Asha. He takes care of me, is loving and kind and very concerned with my well-being. I didn't like seeing him act toward Asha in a way that I would find cruel. I asked him why he did it, and he said that he sensed that she wanted it, which is very in keeping with my picture of Easy. I'm very submissive to Easy, but I know that if I pushed back he'd back off, and after twenty years he knows what I would find humiliating. So how do we balance that I don't like to watch him "humiliate" Asha, even if she likes it? I would love to take some suggestions about this situation. I'd like to think that I'll eventually get used to it or some other solution will present itself, but *right now* and *right here* this is raising my stress level and I don't think I can't handle anxiety centered around what is normally a very relaxing activity.

ETA: I've thought of trying to press them for rules, as rules are very reassuring for me and help me not be anxious, but they aren't as into the rules as I am and I'm afraid of making *their* sex-lives unfulfilling.

Last edited by Lemondrop; 05-10-2010 at 05:31 PM.
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