Originally Posted by capricorny
OK, an angel then, unable to love without craving for sex...
Thanks for making me laugh out loud!
It's interesting that this started a side discussion of loving friendship vs. romantic love, perhaps not the best way to describe it but after reading the comments i'm unsure I could do better without writing a full length book with footnotes and reference links.
What I do know...
is something others have said in various posts...and which goes back to my very first sentence. You simply know
. In my heart and soul I know that I am IN love with this person....it vibrates both spiritually and physically. I also have this same feeling for my husband. And the one thing that's surprised me most, as I open myself to embracing how I truly feel for my friend, is that I also feel as if i'm falling in love with my husband all over again.
Of course what i'm struggling with is the anxiety that he very well might not be able to accept this, or want to be with me if a poly relationship is what I choose to work on.
Like MrRusty i'm well past my twenties and have slogged through several relationships constantly pushing aside my feelings. For me that meant an up and down cycle of severe depression...the more I hide my feelings and pull on the 'good Mono girlfriend' costume, the more I shut down the spark that feeds my soul. It's a feeling of suffocating and slowly losing one's 'self'. It's not an easy road to get off of but i've done it many times, jumping from one relationship to the next. I got really good at bailing out whenever someone proposed marriage (and the only thing I could consciously find to say in response was..."Sorry i'm not ready for that"). I just had no idea, or role models, and had never heard of polyamory at the time.
Perhaps....you all could share a thought based on what helps (or might have helped) soothe your heart when your partner shares with you their interest in another? I think this is my biggest concern...finding the most compassionate way to tell him as I often get intimidated and just blurt stuff out.
I'm trying to let go of the chip on my shoulder, so that I can help hold my SO close and be there for him.