Since I'm single, I don't have a primary or any secondaries. I do have 4 lovers though. One of them is a guy I've known for 10 years and I only see him for about a week at a time and only once a year. But I still consider him a soul mate and lover.....he is a very important person in my life.
Two of my lovers work out of town during the week, so they are only here during the weekends. I probably spend one to two nights per month with each of them. But, I have known them 11 years and 6 years.
It would probably be different if these were new relationships.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.