I want to raise 2 questions to all of you about myself, and maybe some others here like me :P
A need is something that is necessary for organisms to live a healthy quality life. Needs are distinguished from wants because a deficiency would cause a clear negative outcome, such as dysfunction or death.
I believe that sexual intercourse is the closest physical representation of spiritual communion you can express with another human being.
I also believe, that all sensual acts can be used to represent the appropriate level of feelings between the people being sensual with each other. However, that level of appropriateness is subjective to whoever is being sensual.
I have varying degrees of emotions and connections to the people in my life. In reference to my level of feelings for them, some of them, I feel hugging all the time. Some of them, i feel like kissing all the time. Some of them I feel like completely connecting physically with them so i can feel what it's like to be as close I can to them using all my senses. Touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste.
I want to be able to freely express my emotions towards people sensually. Will that ever happen? no, not in my lifetime. However this is what I think makes me poly.
I have a friend I've known for 10 years and we have strong feelings for each other. We don't want to be with each "romantically", as to say i wouldn't want her to be my wife or share an account or living space with her for the rest of the foreseeable future. But she loves me unconditionally, and I have unconditional love for her; I don't judge her, and the feelings I have for her are almost akin to a sister; except when we go out, i want to kiss her. I want to hold her hand. Do i have sexual feelings for her? no. We could have sex sure, it would great fun, but we don't want children together, and we're really not on that level of connection with each other. Do i enact those sensual desires with her? No, because I have a g/f and am in a monogamous relationship. My relationship with my g/f who i'm in love with is far more important than my sensual desires. However, that doesn't mean my desires vanish, right?
It is a desire of mine, to live freely like this. To meet people, to love them, to like them, and to responsibly yet freely show my feelings for them physically, and allow them to do the same. All the while, having a romantic relationship with one (or a few other) people to share my immediate life experience with. This includes having sex with multiple romantic partners Yes...I am a hippie.
So my question to you all is this?
-------------------------IS THIS A NEED? OR A WANT?-------------------------
Is this just a want for sex?
Is this just a want for affection 'cause I have mommy Issues?
Should my desires be devalued because they're not that important?
Is the desire for free love and multiple loves a legitimate need that should be pursued for a quality life no matter what?
In not fulfilling my desires of living a poly life, will i never truly reach my potentially highest quality of life?
I've never had a poly relationship. And I've really never been able to represent my love physically by even a small margin without running into some kind of issue. So? What am I missing? I've always had this feeling that I "wanted" more out of my relationships. More than just the "friends, family, and wife" standard model. And i'm pretty sure I always will. Will I eventually be consumed by that feeling? Would you? Are you?