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Old 05-09-2010, 01:27 PM
MrRusty's Avatar
MrRusty MrRusty is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Yorkshire and Kent
Posts: 42
Default Jack out of the box

Hey, Zenchild.
You can always ASK, and in this case I am happy to reply

Unfortunately I have gotten it all a bit wrong and not only waited 30 years to find out what I already know -well, I guess the revelation is that I'm not alone (damn that is such a cliche)- but it has taken a falling-in-love to make me realise what's going on.

I have - like lots of people on here I suppose (Hi everyone) met a few very special people down the years. Three or maybe four attracted me hugely strongly; two of those I worked with and know I could've grown to love. I do actually believe in love at first sight, by the way. And it happened again about two years ago with a work colleague. I was so smitten I could hardly speak.

We met for lunch once or twice a week, often at her instigation, and chatted in the office about work and careers and - well pretty much anything. It was so easy to talk together. Romance at work is complicated so we didn't meet after work or at weekends.

Anyway my job finished (it was a contract) and I couldn't bear the idea of losing yet another 'special' friend. So I plucked up courage and asked her if I could see her occasionally privately. She agreed and over the next half a year we went from an hour in a coffee shop to going for walks and the cinema together, cuddling and holding hands. No sex, not even kissing. Two years on it's still a great friendship. She makes me feel better about being me - and when I say things like that she says things like "stop reading my mind". It's so beautiful. We are very, very close and if I had not been married would've been bed partners ages ago, just to try and express our love.

What brought me here was talking to her about our relationship and where she sees this going given that I also have a wife that I will not leave. We talked about the future, about a partner for her and her family-making plans. She said anyone she partnered would have to accept her relationship with me.

Wow. That rocked me.

So the next morning (we finished chatting at about 2am as usual) I googled something like 'open relationships' and the lid flew open like a jack-in-a-box.

Why wasn't there an internet in 1980??

That's pretty much where I am - I have come out to my mono wife which has upset her but at least explains why I have been such a sod to live with for so long. She's a bit low at the moment but a very strong person, so I am hopeful, with love and care she might be able to help me. I am delighted that I finally realise how much she means to me, and that helps a lot too.

Sorry, did you realise what you were unleashing with that simple question?
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