Originally Posted by rpcrazy
what about kids?
This was our biggest issue. Which was funny because, she knew I had a 5 year old (turning 6 in JULY!!!) already, but...whatever. What If I had a child with another women that i loved BEFORE her? Would she become the "primary"? Or what if the other women didn't believe in abortion or the pill or anything? She's always have to worry about it.
I don't think you are really poly, just poly inclined/oriented, when this could be an issue, and even the biggest.
1. You simply don't get fluid bonded with secondaries when your primary is not feeling completely secure in the situation.
2. The most insecure of you two always has to determine the pace, so if other partners demand fluid bonding with you before she is ready for it, and they can't accept a "no", you let them go. But you love them, you say? Sure, but do you REALLY have to fuck everyone you love?
3. Children ALWAYS have to be the subject of negotiation. So, simply put, as long as she is your primary, she is in control of your breeding behavior. And vice versa. When you father a child, you normally take on obligations that may change all your relationships in a fundamental way. and you simply don't do that outside of your primary relationship if she does not actively support it.
This follows, simply and directly, from basic polyamory rules.