Originally Posted by thunkybunny
Their relationship had codependency and folie à deux written all over it.
Yeah....it's very frustrating to be involved with people who do not have an emotional maturity. I've written some things about a codependent couple that I've been involved with. Unfortunately, our culture promotes codependency. Such ideas as "you are my everything" "I can't live without you" "I don't know where you end and I begin" are considered to be normal thoughts when in a relationship.
I did notice the dysfunction with this couple right away and chose to be involved with them anyway for the experience. As a result, I have not been surprized or hurt by their dysfunction. Maybe, I have experienced moments
of disappointment, but then I remind myself that I made this decision to be involved with them, knowing full well how crazy it will be- so at that point when I take responsibility for my decision to be involved, I move from being a victim to being a person trying to have an experience and willing to suffer a bit and then move forward. It's amazing how taking responsibility for my choices (which are made will full awareness) prevents me from ever feeling victimized.
The problem would be (as I see it) to become involved with a dysfuntional person or couple thinking that somehow they are going to change just because you want them to..... because "that 'ain't gonna happen" as we say down here in the South!!
Anyway.....it's crazy to imagine that you might move into a poly lifestyle without using discernment because all poly people are supposed to be well adjusted, emotionally mature and highly evolved.
It's like going to church and expecting all of the people you encounter there will be kind, loving and accepting.....NOT !!!