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Old 05-08-2010, 12:08 PM
capricorny capricorny is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Sub-ultima Thule
Posts: 65
Default If he won't change, you should probably step aside.

Originally Posted by Darknyss View Post
That guy in the op's story used to be me right down to the bone. Jealous as all hell. Stubborn too, for that matter. But if I can come to the understanding that my wants were selfish, he can too. I'm probably the last person to be giving advice, but I'mma do it anyway. Sit down and talk with him, let him know that this isn't acceptable, and that you want your fair share of freedom too. It's not an unreasonable request at all, and if your husband loves you, he'll come to see that, surely.
Yes, it can be overcome, and it's so good to read every story about that. If this is about love, his reservations are because of his own insecurity and lack of self-confidence etc. If they are not, it's not real love. Simply put.

It has been mentioned here that if you are all comfortable with the one-dick setting, it's OK. I disagree, for principal reasons. You can choose to run a one-dick policy for some time, and that will be just fine. But if you are not, in principle, free to change that "default setting", it's polygamy (here polygyny) and has nothing to do with polyamory whatsoever. The symmetry is basic to polyamory. You can't give it up, and still think you have the real thing. But it cannot simply be enforced, human beings must be given the time to adapt to new situations, and polyamory settings tend to be somewhat new all the time..

In this case, I think it is real simple: One dick implies one pussy for him. And you are probably the one who should step aside. I think it will be for your own good. Building relationships on elements of self-deception can get real nasty, if it is allowed to continue. And, sadly, it looks like a considerable percentage of men turning to polyamory have got double or triple standards.
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