Thanks so much for the comments so far...much appreciated.
Originally Posted by Lemondrop
You can afford to be friends with the other guy for a while longer for the sake of your marriage. If you can't afford it, then maybe you should take a closer look at whether you still want your marriage.
I guess I did not make this clear but I've stopped most contact with my friend, which btw was never more physical other than hugs and hand holding because I wasn't about to go down the road of having an affair. We are JUST friends though I wish it could be more. In fact i'm working on coming to terms with the fact that my husband may very well ask me to let go of that connection and move forward with a clean slate (ie. perhaps see other people but not this particular person). I'm not sure how I feel about that yet, other than the thought is incredibly painful...but i'm open to considering that as well as discuss any and all options for 'agreeing' what boundaries we need.
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
Don't try to skirt the pivotal role sexual intimacy plays in the fulfillment of the relationship you want to pursue. Poly without sex is just a friendship in most of the mono peoples' eyes I know. It is to me.
Yes, sex IS important and most definitely will be part of this discussion. I prefer to not really go into detail on that aspect of things here on the boards but I'm all ears if anyone wants to share.
I should point out we have very close friends who are poly, as well as friends who are in open relationships simply for sexual reasons, AND other friends who are happily 'unmarried' life partners and child free...as we are child free. These concepts are not totally new to him but I understand we'll BOTH need baby steps moving forward with this.