Originally Posted by pickles25
...myself and this guy are still in a realtionship she has no idea about our plan to take all of us into a poly relationship future so we can all be in love and make it work....
That's the part that got my attention.
IF she doesn't know you and him are involved with each other, then I'd say you're not doing poly, he's simply cheating.
Then, you do realize you can't plan for her, don't you? She may enjoy having you as a friend and have absolutely no interest in having you as a romantic partner. I'd say you can't make any plans that include her without asking her what she wants to do--her desires are as important as yours.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.