Originally Posted by poiyt
I think what worries her is that she isnt sure she will ever want a baby with dh. Not because of a lack of commitment, but her dh (who she still has a relationship with) would be devastated and her family would disown her...but at the same time she feels a strong biological and emotional pull to have another child (as do I). she also doesnt feel comfortable having a child with her dh because then the child would be raised in a different house from its father knowingly and on purpose.
Figuring out the having of more children seems to be a big issue for us right now.
btw - negative pregnancy test.
Are you using "dh" to refer to two different people? I'm finding it very confusing.
In this day and age, it's as common as not to have parents in two different houses, and for kids to go back and forth between them. The way I see it, the kid gets two sets of people who love them, and the parents get a break. Seems like a win-win situation. What matters the most is that children feel loved and valued, whichever roof they're sleeping under.
If I'm interpreting your nicknames properly, you mean that she still has a relationship with her husband but they don't live together, and that he would be devastated if she had a kid with your husband? And that her family would disown her if she had a child with a man who was not her husband?
To put it bluntly, any family who would disown their daughter for any reason probably isn't very loving and supportive to begin with, and therefore isn't the best influence for the child anyway. If she, your husband, and yourself wanted her to have a kid, then you and your husband would form a really good support network for her, plus any friends you have that support your lifestyle.
Whether or not you all decide to have more children, I'm glad to hear the test was negative. It's so much more joyful when babies are made consciously. Sounds like you guys have had several problems with condoms, and you know what they call people who use the rhythm method? Parents... It may be time to consider more effective forms of birth control. If the pill isn't an option for some reason, then at least use a diaphragm with spermicide in addition to the condoms.