I would say that it is great you are advocating for your needs. Good for you. It seems to me that your man likes his harem and doesn't want any other man in on it. It's rather cave manish to me and disrespectful to women. At lease I would feel disrespected.
I know you love him and want him to be happy, but I would suggest that eventually this would wear very thin and you would end up feeling resentful and disrespected. There is no sustainable balance as far as I can tell in demanding that you do what anyone says. If he wants his cake and to eat it too, so should you, and so should your female partner. Why shouldn't either of you pursue other men if you want to? It's your right to have your needs met as much as it's his.
I like what Mono said about "have," no one owns the rights to you. No one owns you and poly certainly isn't about ownership.
I also like what LR says about those of us who work our ass off on stuff. It perpetuates a stereo type that poly men are really polygamists... please stand firm and don't let that happen. For your sake and for poly women everywhere.
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