Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
Roly this is a big deal.
It's good for you to see it, and acknowledge YOUR part in it as well as acknowledging the already existing family's part in it.
Maca and I had a family as well. When GG decided to be with me, he gained OUR family, but he also gave up having a family "all his own" so to speak.
Not that he couldn't marry someone and start a family (well could have) but he would always have a SHARED family (now he's fixed but that's another story).
It was REALLY a struggle for his friends/family, even Maca to understand how he could make that choice. But for him (and my sister too) they consider these kids to be their own-even though the children aren't biologically theirs (the little one is bio-child of gg's, but none are my sisters). The kids as well consider all four of us parents...
So there are multiple ways for it to be worked out-but you really have to find the right fit for you (and the people you are with).
I agree. Fit is important. Over the years I've thought a lot about how to have children in my life if having my own biological children didn't pan out. And I've come to accept that if I don't ever birth my own child, that's ok. Sometimes it's hard, but having a chronic illness will always be sometimes hard.
I know that whatever happens, I won't be "giving up" on having kids. Both in the sense that dating Nerdist (since everyone knows now anyway, sheesh) won't mean that I can't pursue whatever else life brings. And in the sense that I am not sacrificing my own desire for a family to be with someone. It's highly possible that I can't conceive and it's often true that I just don't have enough energy to keep up with a kid. I worry that it wouldn't be fair to them.
It feels more like I would be adapting the "hows" of it all.
LR, did you and GG end up having a child together also? Or am I getting confused? Personally, I've often dreamed and become all googly eyed over the years, at the possibility of sharing a big family with kids who all belong to each other, rather than solely to their biological parents.
I kind of grew up that way. My dad left when I was 2 and my mom and I lived with various combinations of her sisters, her friends and her mom. It feels more natural that way.