So i'm poly but as of now i'm in a monogamous relationship. My girl is neurotic (and also trying to decide if i was worth it) so, in the early stages of our relationship we both discussed and argued about my polyamorous side. A few arguments never got settled though, so I was wondering if anyone wanted to discuss them? I put this here in case anyone else is in that stage right now and the info might help :P
"What if they're better?"-which makes them worse?
Now I know a common counter to this argument is something like, "it's not a race" and alot of other great and wonderful concepts that we poly people pride ourselves on(you know you do :P). However, this is something I encountered while having an intelligent argument with my g/f.
What if, the reason why the person is insecure about you leaving, or doing something just as drastic; if you find some cuter, smarter, "better"; is because most likely they would do it too!? Because that's just how they think or something like that? Can you really change a person? If are like that, how do you recognize it? What if you're already in love with this person?
What if it's something that can't be tackled. For instance, my girlfriend is a stereotypically meaty italian jewish woman who grew up idolizing the barbie figure and straight-narrow nose(hence most jewish women get plastic surgery). She hates blondes, and is super insecure about her appearance because she has a thyroid problem
. In a situation where we were in a poly relationship, and I started falling for a women who was more fit or whatever form would make my g/f jealous, how would we handle that?
When does it stop?
One of the things we constantly talked about was when would it stop, and '"when does it stop"? She was always in her thinking some fantasy where through the course of 20 years i'd be dating and having sex with tons of women. When I told her, polyamory was more about love and romantic relationships, she went along that line of thought and was asking, "so when does it stop? When you have kids with like 2 or 3 other people" "what makes me special???"
she would also ask, when we would eventually go back to normal, lol. something like, "it has to stop when we have kids. They would get confused, what about the family, my family would never condone that!" I couldn't never explain to her what being poly and being a poly relationship was all about. How do you give your partner a clear concise REAL picture of what it is?
what about kids?
This was our biggest issue. Which was funny because, she knew I had a 5 year old (turning 6 in JULY!!!) already, but...whatever. What If I had a child with another women that i loved BEFORE her? Would she become the "primary"? Or what if the other women didn't believe in abortion or the pill or anything? She's always have to worry about it.
Now I know a lot of these issues are mostly for younger people. As you get older, you start to realize what's important, and what's...less, important. But again, it's good to discuss. Any thoughts?