Well... I don't have an "other lover" (just so we're all clear on that point). I re-met someone and "fell in love" but we saw each other twice and held hands and spent the night together but we didn't even kiss or get naked. The "other guy" couldn't deal with the concept of "sharing" someone in this context, so eventually he decided that he "needs space" so we haven't had contact for a couple of months, which is longer than the time we were speaking after 21 years of nothing. But I digress.
Not to make this thread all about ME, but I have been struggling more with this "compersion" and "empathy" with respect to the "other guy" than with respect to my husband. However, it's a good thing over all because if one of us ever falls in love with someone else again we'll be somewhat prepared to deal with it, and it doesn't mean we'll have to choose one over the other.
I notice 2 types of "married" people here: one, those who have a challenge integrating poly with their existing relationship, and two, those whose "other" relationship is challenged by their existing one.
This isn't a sweeping generalization; it's more like a fun thing, what I just wrote. I'm not trying to judge or pigeon-hole any "married" folks here or elsewhere.
Last edited by NeonKaos; 07-15-2009 at 09:58 PM.