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Old 05-05-2010, 05:56 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by Tseras View Post
First of all, is her dishonesty in this case normal for poly relationships or is it a red flag that I should watch out for?
No, no, no! Massive red flag. That someone is willing to be the "bit on the side" and that your partner is conveniently avoiding the truth because it might not get them what they want are huge breaches of trust and honesty, in my opinion.

How many other things is your partner doing to YOU that they are "waiting for the right moment to tell you" for? That's the nasty road that you go down when this sort of stuff starts creeping in,

Originally Posted by Tseras View Post
Second, what would be the best way for her to tell him that she is poly?
"Honey, I know I've sort of led you to believe that my partner doesn't know about us, well, I haven't told you the truth - they know everything about us and, apart from the fact that I have not told you about this, is fine with it."

...and may the dice fall where they may...

Originally Posted by Tseras View Post
Third, is it really my concern as to whether or not she is being honest with her other partner, or am I being too meddlesome in her life? Is it really my place to demand her to be honest in this case, especially if it might compromise her relationship?
Absolutely, in my opinion! Open and honest means with all involved, not just when it's convenient. Honesty and dishonesty are habits, and they breed more of each other. Once you start down the "convenient lie" path it just multiples until whole chunks of relationship are built on that sort of foundation. To my mind that has nothing to do with what polyamory is all about.

Originally Posted by Tseras View Post
Finally when is the "right moment" to tell a possible romantic prospect that you're poly?
For me, before the first date. I don't think either of us should waste time on dating unless an obvious potential show-stopper is dealt with. If they're not interested in dating me on a poly basis, then it's not fair of me to allow them to assume otherwise.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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